**Job Listing: Scab Ski Patroller**
*Location: Park City Mountain Resort, Utah*
Are you looking for a thrilling, low-paying opportunity to undermine collective bargaining while living your après-ski dreams? Park City Mountain Resort is hiring **Scab Ski Patrollers** to fill the gaps while our real ski patrol team inconveniently fights for fair wages and safety standards. No experience? No problem!
### **Responsibilities:**
- Look busy on skis while avoiding steep or avalanche-prone terrain.
- Half-heartedly respond to injuries with a “can-do” attitude (medical training optional).
- Operate a snowmobile like it's your first time (it might be!).
- Politely deflect questions about avalanche mitigation with a shrug and a vague "It’s fine!"
- Provide a stellar guest experience by pretending you know what you’re doing.
### **Qualifications:**
- Intermediate skiers are **strongly encouraged** to apply (black diamonds optional).
- Must possess a willingness to cross a picket line.
- Avalanche safety knowledge? Nope, you’ll figure it out on the fly!
- First aid skills? Don’t sweat it—Google is your friend!
- Knowledge of local terrain and snowpack not needed! There’s an App for that!
- Flexibility to work for far less than what the union is asking for.
### **What We Offer:**
- A unique chance to learn the hard way about mountain safety.
- A non-living wage that pairs perfectly with the skyrocketing cost of Park City rent.
- Discounted cafeteria food (because you definitely can’t afford local restaurants).
- A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to singlehandedly destroy your reputation in the ski community.
### **Why Join Us?**
We know it’s not about the money (because there’s hardly any of that). It’s about the thrill of being on the mountain, pretending to be competent, and making corporate executives proud. If you’re ready to swap solidarity for subpar paychecks, this is the job for you!
**Apply now**—because someone has to fill the gap, and we’re betting it’s you.
*(P.S. Don’t worry if you’re unsure about avalanche safety—we’re unsure too!)*
